Saving Everest Read online

  “Congrats. You know, just making it by as usual.” Now it was my turn to pause. “How’s my mom?”

  Macy first looked like she was unsure before settling on, “She’ll come around.”

  I nodded, knowing that was as good a answer I was going to get. “I graduate June fourth.”

  I threw it out in hopes she would catch it, but she only nodded and grabbed Manny’s hand. There was no good-bye in the exchange, but Macy wasn’t really known for her social skills. Manny stared at me as they were leaving the aisle before he ran to me and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.

  “Manny!” Macy called for him, but that only made him squeeze tighter.

  I immediately embraced the hug. It felt like a piece of home.

  He pushed back away from me. “Happy birthday. I didn’t forget.”

  Then he was gone, running back to his mom, who looked guilty and relieved at the same time.

  “Thanks, bud,” I whispered as I watched them leave the store.

  “Did you grab the candles?” Nami asked just as I got back to the line. I nodded and tossed them to her, choosing not to say what happened moments earlier.

  The girls dropped me off at the house to get ready while they set up the snacks for the party. I put a little extra effort into my look due to the sheer fact that eyes for sure would be on me. The dress and black knee-high boots were what Everest chose for me to wear in the morning. At first I didn’t think it would look good, but I needed to start listening to his fashion advice more because it looked great.

  “Beverly, did you check the band page?!” Tiffany practically yelled at me when I got into Nami’s car.

  “What?” I chuckled at her blatant anguished happiness.

  “Lover boy sang happy birthday to you at his concert,” Nami explained, and I instantly whipped my phone out. I watched it on repeat, thankful that I hadn’t been there or else I would’ve most likely fainted. I wanted to give him a hug as soon as I spotted him.

  When I entered 21 Daisies, my stomach fell to my knees. The place was already more full than any karaoke night ever. Lights were strung all through the place like captured stars on string. Gold balloons spelled out my name, and pictures of me were at every booth and table as a centerpiece. The snacks were neatly laid out on the largest table. A DJ had even set up on stage. Music was flowing and cups were pouring. My very first birthday party was even better looking than it had been in my dreams.

  “Happy Birthday!” The boys left their growing circle of fans to pull me into a hug.

  “Where’s Everest?” I realized shortly after the embrace that he wasn’t in sight.

  “Don’t worry, he’ll be here soon,” Lucky assured me.

  “He’s getting all dolled up for you.” Lincoln grinned before asking me where Tiffany was. From the looks of the video, Everest already looked great. He didn’t need to get all dressed up. I just wanted him here.

  “Beverly! Take a picture with us.” Nami called me over. After that, we danced. I was pretty much dragged onto the makeshift dance floor, but it was fun—so much fun that I almost stopped looking for Everest through the crowd.

  When an hour had passed and Everest still hadn’t arrived, I went outside and called him. He always answered my calls, but for some reason today he didn’t. I got called back into the party after my third dial. Dancing didn’t seem all that fun anymore. Everyone seemed to be in their element, and I’d never felt more like a fish out of water. The party was just beginning and I wanted it to end. I sat at a nearby booth checking my phone every so often in hopes he’d send me a quick text.

  “Hey, birthday girl.” Mikey sat in front of me. “Why the sad face?”

  As if on cue, I felt my features immediately soften.

  “Everest?” he guessed, an eyebrow arching upward. “I called him a bunch of times for you, but I think his phone died or something.”

  I nodded, while he waved it off.

  “Ah, don’t worry about it. You got that boy so whipped, you could stick him in the oven and bake a cake. He’s coming. In the meantime, I got you a little gift since you rejected my first one.”

  He reached into his jacket and pulled out a metal container. “Here’s some fun juice. You look like you could use some fun.”

  “What is it?” Taking it from him, I unscrewed the cap. It smelled extremely chemically fruity.

  “Are you deaf? I already told you. Don’t drink it too fast.” He winked before sliding out of the booth.

  I took a tiny sip and it tasted of regular fruit punch until it hit my chest slightly. There was a minuscule tolerable burn. I took a few more sips until eventually that burn made me want to dance.

  “Happy birthday, Beverly.” Megan, my chemistry partner from sophomore year, began to dance with me. We were hardly friends, but that was like most of the guests here. The power of Nami to pull it all together. That girl knew everyone, no joke.

  “Thanks.” I smiled back, and she turned to dance back with her friends.

  Nami suggested cutting the cake to get my mind off of Everest not being around. It did make me feel better to see all the effort my friends were going to for me. People started drinking, and urged the birthday girl to take two shots of “fun juice.”

  Normally, I wouldn’t have entertained it, but all I could think about was how Everest wasn’t around for my birthday. It was keeping me distracted. Eventually the fun juice wasn’t that fun anymore. I found myself at the booth again, watching other people enjoy themselves. I felt so alone. Here I was again in a room full of people still feeling like it was just me. Perhaps even more alone. Everyone was going on with the party and I was just at the booth. So many times, someone would ask where Everest was and I had no answer. The party was winding down, and every minute that ticked by, I grew more confused and concerned that I hadn’t seen or heard from Everest.

  “I just thought you should know that Everest is at Cara’s party.” A guy who had asked me earlier about Everest’s location told me on his way out the door.

  Huh?

  “Lie again.” Nami smacked the guy in the shoulder, making him turn around and return to our booth.

  “Golden Boy wouldn’t be there.” Mikey narrowed his eyes.

  “Look for yourself,” the guy said, turning his phone to face us.

  I shouldn’t have looked.

  In the picture was a sloppy-tired looking Everest and a happy-

  looking Cara, staring at each other. The worst part was the caption that read: These two are meant to be. I instantly felt sick and rushed from the booth to the break room. I sat on the couch and stuffed my face into a pillow, gripping the edges while I was on the edge of tears. My stomach pulled inward while I fought my sobs. So this was why didn’t come? The door to the break room slammed closed as quickly as it flew open.

  “Lift your head up now,” Nami’s voice ordered.

  “Leave me,” I cried into the pillow.

  She lifted my head up, and staring into her eyes made me feel even more ashamed. I just cried even harder.

  “I’m not like her. I’ll never be like her. She’s everything I’m not with her blond hair and blue eyes. Why did I think that I had a chance with him? That’s why he didn’t show up to my party. She’s beautiful. They’re perfect for each other. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  Nami looked at me and pulled my arm harshly. “You listen, and you listen good because I’m not going to say this to you again. I know you only mustered up that bullshit because of that fun juice. So this is only addressing tipsy Beverly.

  “I know you feel like you are unworthy. But that’s not true, because there is no real image of beauty.” She wiped my tears, and I started to feel myself calm. “We are all just caterpillars trying to be butterflies. It all starts from the inside, and that process is your cocoon. Once your insides are beautiful, it shines through your skin. You
will be beautiful, and not by anyone’s standards but your own. You won’t get insecure when you see someone else who’s gorgeous. Because you’re just as lovely. Beverly, you dumb bitch, you have the most breathtaking heart, and you’re fine as wine. I don’t want to ever hear you talk down on yourself like that again.”

  I wanted to hug her, but I knew she’d probably punch me if I did. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it. But that bitch isn’t even a butterfly, she’s a moth in makeup. There’s got to be an explanation. Don’t you trust him?”

  I didn’t get a chance to answer because the door to the break room opened once again and a intoxicated Tiffany flew in. “Oh my gosh, Beverly, it’s okay. The boys going on tour is a good thing, you don’t have to be sa—”

  Nami’s eyes widened dangerously, and she took the pillow from my hands to hit Tiffany in the head.

  “The boys are going on tour?” I said.

  Why hadn’t anyone told me? That was great news. Maybe this night would have a happy ending after all.

  “Isn’t that what you’re crying over?” Tiffany scratched the back of her head.

  Nami sighed deeply. “She’s upset that Everest hasn’t showed yet.”

  Now Tiffany’s eyes widened, as if she’d ruined a surprise. “Oh, I think Lincoln is calling me so I’m just gon—”

  “Not just yet! I didn’t know about the tour. That’s amazing. Where are they going? When is it?” I wiped my tears and sat up ready to hear the details that Everest was probably too busy to tell me.

  Tiffany looked at Nami somberly. “You already spilled the beans. It’s too late now.”

  “It’s international, they leave in five days. For nine months.” She rushed to leave the room but Nami held her in place.

  I shook my head. “No, that can’t be right. Everest would have told me—I mean, nine months?”

  When Tiffany’s eyes turned sorry for me, I knew it was true. I so wanted it to be a lie or a drunken story, but the way Tiffany and Nami were looking at me proved it to be otherwise. Nine months? International? I felt like he had just broken up with me. Told me every hurtful thing he could say. Stomped my heart into dust. I had yet another breakdown. I snatched the pillow from Nami and started to cry even though I had just finished my first breakdown. This time Nami let me cry it out, Tiffany taking a place at my side.

  “I just want this night to be over,” I groaned, my mind and body feeling groggy from my breakdowns. Tiffany and Nami calmed me down in the break room, letting me cry it out until I couldn’t cry anymore. Once I finished crying, a part of me desperately hoped that Everest would be waiting in the lobby for me. Despite how angry I was at him, I still wanted to see him. He probably wouldn’t be waiting, and for the first time that night I began to come to terms with it.

  “You’re sleeping at mine. We’ll eat ice cream and talk shit. It’ll be great,” Nami told me with assurance.

  “First this party has to die,” Lucky added.

  There were about six people left chatting about and I couldn’t leave until they left.

  Mikey stood on the table. “All right, y’all don’t have to go home but you gotta get the hell up out of here.”

  We started to hurry and close the restaurant. All of us had had enough of this failed party. Lincoln even escorted people out. As I took down the decorations, I wondered and thought about what this year would have been like for me if I’d continued to be the ghost girl. Would I still endure such heartache? I opened the front door with a heavy heart. Did I not deserve to know? Maybe we weren’t as close as I thought.

  “I’m sure Golden Boy has an explanation.” Mikey tried his best to reassure me, but even his charming smile was unsure.

  Lights flashed, bringing my attention to the car I’d been searching for all night. Everest pulled into the parking lot. The sight of his car caused the compressed emotions within me to bubble up my throat. His sandy-brown hair looked chocolate brown in the moonlight. His clothes were wet and there was a tear in his sweater that hadn’t been there this morning. That mouth of his started to move but I couldn’t hear what he had to say. There were other things on my mind. How could you not tell me? You’re really leaving? Were you ever going to tell me?

  My voice found the words I wanted to say so desperately and I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to. My poor heart beating in pain.

  “I—who told you?” He staggered back.

  “The real question is why didn’t you tell me?” It was then I felt my tears start to make an appearance.

  “I didn’t know how.” He took a step closer to me.

  Nami came outside just then. “Where have you been?”

  “Long story.” He answered her but stared at me.

  “Can we go somewhere private to talk?” His soul silently pleaded with mine. He made me breathless. He stared at me with such intense longing and sorrow, it made my stomach twist and turn.

  “She has time,” Mikey said and lightly pushed me toward Everest.

  “Do you want to talk to him?” Nami grabbed my arm, her protective stance thick and stern.

  I nodded. “It’s okay.”

  I followed him to his car. It smelled of earth and salt. The front seats looked like they had been wet but had been wiped down. He opened the rear doors and I followed suit, wondering where this conversation would take us.

  “I know you’re angry. Someone needed my help.”

  “Cara?” I hated the way her name sounded in my mouth.

  “What? No.” He looked confused, and grabbed my arm to look directly at me.

  “Nash. He tried to jump from High Point Bridge.”

  My stomach leaped and suddenly I felt sick.

  “What?” I turned toward him, hoping for it to be a cruel joke.

  “Yeah, I had to jump in to save him. Then once I found out why, I had to see the person responsible. That’s why I was at Cara’s party. Trust me, I’d rather have been with you all night.”

  “Wow. I’m s—” I felt guilty for being angry. He was going through so much tonight and I didn’t even realize. The apology got stuck in my throat from the shock of his words.

  “No, don’t you dare apologize. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Bev. I’m sorry I missed your party. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the tour. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve any of that. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make this strained or tense. It’s one thing to be gone a couple days of the week. But nine months?”

  “So we won’t. We won’t make it strained. Let’s just enjoy the time we have left.” My heart tried to leave my chest. “You should have told me. If we’re this team you speak of, communication can’t be taken for granted.”

  “You’re right.” His eyes swam with hurt.

  “We still have five days, three hours, and twenty four minutes.” Being with him now made me forget why I was so upset in the first place.

  “Well, let’s make every second count.”

  That night I convinced myself that wasn’t the beginning of the end.

  39

  February

  Don’t cry.

  I hate that phrase.

  I tell myself that a lot but I’m living out my dream so there’s no reason for me to feel sad anymore, but I’m really missing my life. I wish there was a way to combine the two. A lot of people in the industry are convinced that my father bought my way in, and that is too frustrating to deal with sometimes. Crying is necessary. It’s a fucking human necessity and I am no exception. Crying does not make you weak. I pray that all of this gets easier and becomes worth it because for now I’m struggling. I’m struggling adapting to this new life that I have and I miss you. I miss you dearly but I respect that you stopped responding to my messages. Call at 2 a.m. may be standard for me but that doesn’t work.

  —a journal entry from Everes
t

  40

  March

  Dear Ev,

  It’s been almost a month since we last spoke. It didn’t end well and I am completely to blame. I have too much pride to just be your friend. I honestly don’t think I could be strong enough to not be able to love you freely. My mindset was everything or not at all, and I wish I could go back in time and change that, because it’s better to have just a little bit of you than to not have you at all. I’ve been listening to the songs that you showed me all those months back. I didn’t really like them at the time, but now they’re all I ever listen to. I miss your voice, laugh, smile, terrible jokes, and just you. I miss you, Everest. I stopped staying at your house. I just didn’t think it was right anymore. I’m trying to act like this is normal, I promise I am, but I don’t think it gets any better than you, Everest Finley. I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone, and the mere thought of you with some other girl makes me sick. It rattles my bones and sends tornados through my insides, and I feel sicker than sick.

  I think about you at 3 a.m. when it’s just me and my thoughts. I don’t just think about you when it’s that weird time between morning and night. I think about you when I’m making cereal or doing my English homework. I miss you when I’m watching movies or when I’m talking to people other than you. I miss you when I’m tying my shoes or doing laundry. I miss you all the time. I miss you when I can’t seem to find me. My biggest fear is being forgotten and it’s here and true. Did you forget about me? Because I’d never forget about you.

  —found in iPhone notes, but never sent

  41

  April

  We’re in London now. Every two days is a different city. They have funny accents here but the food is all right enough. I think about you a lot. Of all the places I know you’d love. I’m sorry I couldn’t visit like I said I would. Another show got added to the list and we didn’t end up flying back for this leg. I hope everything is all well and good with you.