Saving Everest Read online

  I stayed silent until she turned around to check if I really was awake.

  “Oh.” She chuckled. “I knew I was right.”

  She looked terribly beautiful even when she was as sick as a dog.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, as if the words were in a hurry to come out of her mouth before she was ready for them to.

  “For what?” I leaned on my elbow to sit up.

  That moment felt like forever. Waiting for her to answer my question was the most anxiety ridden thing that I could have done. A new symptom rose in that moment—nausea. My stomach was wrecked at the thought that this could end terribly. Essentially, I was putting our friendship on the line, and I would hate myself if I ruined it. But at the same time, I would hate myself if I didn’t push for something more. Life was too short.

  Beverly made me feel things that I’d never felt before. No one talked to me the way she did, and no one looked at me the way she did. And that night at Winter Formal, I realized that no one had ever kissed me the way she did. After we kissed, I saw those pretty little blue birds spin around my head like they did in the cartoons. It was all so fast. The dancing, the kissing, the running away.

  “I feel bad about it, honestly. You were drinking and weren’t aware of what you were doing—”

  “I knew what I was doing,” I said.

  “But you were drunk.”

  “I wasn’t drinking that much, Bev. I actually wanted to kiss you, but you beat me to it.”

  I didn’t know why all of this was coming out so easily, not when it had been so difficult before. She wasn’t looking at me—probably too nervous to. But her lips twitched in a closed-mouth smile. It immediately soothed my concerns.

  “You wanted to kiss me,” she said slowly, as if she was trying to process it in her mind.

  “That is correct,” I said. “I really like you.”

  She let out a series of coughs. “I really like you too.”

  My heart did a backflip before I realized that she probably took that with face value. “No, Bev . . . I like like you.”

  She scoffed with a laugh. “I knew what you meant the first time.”

  “I wasn’t sure,” I laughed before sneezing.

  “Wow.” She chuckled while leaning over the side of my bed.

  “What are you doing?” My mood was amplified by a thousand. I felt like a giddy little schoolkid. She leaned back up with a small little black box. “Marriage already?”

  “Shush it.” She smiled and pushed me playfully.

  I observed that the little black cardboard box was tied with a red ribbon. I didn’t even know what it was, but I knew that I loved it.

  “Now, you shush it.” I threw her words back at her before opening the box to see a guitar pick. It was dark blue and had my name painted in gold cursive on each side. The gift wasn’t expensive by any means. It was cheap, but it was irreplaceable. I loved how personal it was, considering that I didn’t have many things that had sentimental value.

  Not thinking, I leaned over and kissed her on the lips. “Thank you.”

  Seemingly not expecting that, her eyes cast downward and her breathing picked up noticeably.

  “That’s going to take some getting used to,” I said, staring at her while she stared at her lap.

  “Yeah,” she breathed out with a laugh.

  I gathered enough energy to climb out of bed to get her gift out of my closet. I grabbed the red and gold gift-wrapped box and sat it on my bed before getting back under the covers.

  “Oh, Everest, you didn’t have to,” she said, looking at the size of the box.

  “I know,” I scoffed.

  She rolled her eyes before tearing the box open. Inside there was a new phone, a paintbrush necklace, and a camera. Her eyes practically glittered with stars. “Oh wow . . . oh my gosh. T-This is the nicest thing. How much did you spend on all this?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  She shook her head in awe of her gifts. “I’m going to get you something nicer, okay?”

  “Anything else would be a downgrade.” I waved her off, meaning it.

  “Wow.” She acted as if this was too much. I didn’t even spend that much money.

  “You needed a new phone, the necklace is so you can have something to remember me by when you’re in college, and the camera . . . well, you’re always talking about how you wish you could take pictures of things.” Shortly after my explanation, I sneezed. “I forgot how awful I was feeling for a minute.”

  “To be honest, same,” she said, with a mix of a laugh and a cough.

  I picked up the TV remote sitting on my nightstand and turned on my Christmas movie playlist. “Let’s just take it easy and get some more rest.”

  “Everest.”

  When I turned my head to look at her, she gave me a peck on the lips. “Thank you.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “Yep, definitely going to take some getting used to.”

  She laughed before snuggling up against me. We watched many movies that night, and, although I was the sickest I’d ever been, it was the best Christmas I ever had.

  A few days after being sick beyond comprehension, we decided to go out on a little date. I was partial to just staying in and pretending I was unwell so my parents could let us stay in the same room, but Beverly really wanted to go out, and that managed to get us on track with our plans. If it was up to me, I’d have just stayed with her in at my house until I had to leave. But she was way too enthusiastic about ice skating. Hopefully, I wouldn’t fall too much.

  When we arrived at the rink, I tried to convince Beverly that it wasn’t as complicated at it looked. She’d never gone skating before, and she did have a track record of being clumsy, but I did my best to assure her that it was all going to be fine. She hung on to the wall for a while before I coaxed her onto the ice and let her hang on to me.

  “Just let go,” I said, laughing. “It’s fine.”

  Thud.

  That’s gotta hurt.

  “Why did I agree to do this?” Beverly groaned, sprawled on the ice.

  “Are you all right?” I asked before helping her up.

  “I am, but my butt might have a different answer,” she grumbled, rubbing at the poor thing. I instantly felt bad for not catching her in time before she crashed into the ice. It happened too fast. I wasn’t the best ice skater myself, so we probably would have both went down.

  “Dear Bev’s booty, are you oka—” I began to say with a smirk.

  “Stop it!” She laughed and tried to hit me, and almost lost her balance before I actually caught her this time.

  “Okay, I think my girl has had enough,” I chuckled. In the past forty minutes she’d done nothing but fall flat on the ice. It was like a fawn walking for the first time, all spread-legged and wobbly.

  “You sure? We’ve got approximately an hour and a half before you have to leave me. What do you want to do?” she asked after glancing up from her watch.

  I didn’t want to leave her. I never did. I really wished she would come with me to my set, but she had to study for her finals with Nami and Tiffany. Although she’d already committed to a school, she didn’t see that as a reason to stop studying. She’d always been focused on her grades. I couldn’t remember how many times she had tried to get me to do my work. She always made sure to motivate me any way she could, so I tried to do the same. I made a point to help her any chance I got, which wasn’t often. It wasn’t like she needed my help, though.

  “Hot chocolate?” I suggested, remembering she’d asked me a question.

  “A man after my own heart.” She grinned, and the ice beneath my feet melted a bit.

  We found a nice little restaurant on the other side of the ice rink. The warm air hit my cheeks and wrapped me up whole. The walls were covered in the same boring red plaid I wore. Beverly ch
ose a table by the window, the bright white snow matching the sweater she wore. We sat across from one another, catching each other’s eyes and holding the gaze—an unintentional staring contest with no rules.

  “Stop,” she said with a smile.

  “You don’t like when I look at you?” I sat back and furrowed my brows.

  “Not like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like that.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  She’s so beautiful, repeated in my head as she stared at me and I stared at her. We were so preoccupied with just staring at each other and smiling that the waitress had to break my trance from my favorite brown-eyed girl. I ordered two cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream, along with grilled cheese sandwiches.

  “What rhymes with pit?” I asked once the food arrived.

  She thought for a moment. “Spit.”

  “Nasty, I like it,” I marveled before I pulled my little notebook and pen out of my coat. “Let’s keep going.

  “Flame?” I asked, focused on the page.

  “Game,” she responded, after taking a sip from her hot chocolate.

  “Heaven,” I stated and she followed suit.

  “Sin.” She watched as I scribbled in the little notebook.

  It knocks your insides out to a desolate pit

  spits on your dreams

  and put it in flames

  A game rigged so you won’t win

  an illusion of rain

  falls from your pain

  while sadness overhangs

  Pray to the heavens

  to erase these sins

  “Did you just come up with that?” she asked, shocked.

  “Yeah,” I said, biting into my sandwich. “What do you think?”

  “Intense.”

  “But is it good?” I began to feel myself tense up from the thought that it wasn’t perfect. Even though I hated that word, the ghost of perfection still haunted me.

  Her eyes widened. “Yes, Ev, it’s amazing. You know you are so talented.”

  She reached out and grabbed my hand, instantly soothing my nerves.

  “I’ve just been on edge lately. The guys and I have been gaining more and more traction the more gigs we play, and I just don’t want to screw this up. I don’t want us to fail.”

  I was both the happiest and the most distraught I’d ever been in my entire life. I was so happy and proud of the things I’d accomplished and the people I’d met. I was happy for finding my passion and following my dreams. I was so happy for experiencing love—actual, obnoxious marry-me-right-now-soul-consuming love. I was happy because I was closer to my mom and I was closer to my sister. I was just so fucking happy.

  But day by day, I was growing more torn by my happiness because I was realizing that it had a price—the increasing popularity of the band forced me to want to be the best. I couldn’t fail. I wouldn’t fail. My dream was right in front of me and I refused to ignore it. I was practicing any chance I got. I’d play any gig available. I wouldn’t sleep until I wrote a lyric, melody, or song. I was hungry to succeed and I didn’t want to starve.

  I just didn’t know how to break the news to Beverly that I was leaving on tour soon. The girl who started my story couldn’t stay for all of my chapters. I tried not to think about that, but it was so hard not to. When I got the news a week ago confirming the deal, I put off telling her. I shouldn’t have done that, because that only made things worse. The time for me to leave just kept getting closer and closer.

  “Don’t think like that, okay? There’s no such thing as failure, only a lesson learned. You should be nothing but proud that you’re making money doing something you love,” she said while playing with my hands.

  Saying nothing, I reached out and kissed her knuckles. Her words were the best at distracting me from my negativity.

  “Excuse me?” A guy with blond hair and a green hat approached the side of the table. “Can I take a picture with you?”

  Would you look at that, her eyes and grin said from the corner of my eye.

  “Here, I’ll take the picture.” Beverly reached out and took the camera from the guy. Her smile could be seen from Jupiter.

  “Sa-a-y che-e-esecake.” She goofed around like she was the one in front the camera. Her smile instantly awakened my own.

  When he left, Beverly could barely contain her chuckle as she took a sip of her hot chocolate. Her warm eyes and soft smile were a haunting reminder that we only had a few of these moments left. Guilt pinged my chest and I felt sick to my stomach.

  “Bev . . .”

  “Hm?” she hummed in response while taking another sip of her hot chocolate.

  My heart clogged my ears and my eyes couldn’t stare into hers. What if this ruined everything? We’d only shared a few weeks after confessing our feelings for each other. That wasn’t enough. What if she wanted nothing to do with me after I told her? These were questions that ate me up every single time I tried to gain the courage to tell her.

  “Are you excited for your birthday party?” I asked nonchalantly, sitting back in my chair while my heart boiled beneath my ribs.

  You’re a terrible person.

  “I’m not having a birthday party?” Confusion was written on her face as she bit into her grilled cheese.

  “On the contrary, I’m throwing you one.”

  Her eyes widened.

  This doesn’t make up for the fact that you’re going to break her heart.

  “You don’t have to do that, Ev. I’m used to not doing much on my birthday. I’d be happy just to eat a cupcake and read a good book.”

  “Yeah, I don’t doubt that, but this is your eighteenth birthday and that’s a big one. We, as humans, only get a handful of big ones. And yours is coming up in a few days and it shall be celebrated.”

  “Okay,” she laughed. “What are the details?”

  “Seven o’clock at 21 Daisies on January 20—you know, your birthday. It’s later because unfortunately I have a show. I’ll be a little late, but I’ll be there.”

  “Sounds good,” she smiled.

  “You excited?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she chuckled, and for the first time since I met her I wished I hadn’t heard her happy response.

  That feeling didn’t come often. I loved hanging out with Beverly, and all of the group, and it made me sad to think that we’d part ways after this year. I wished we’d been friends sooner, that I’d known what real friends were before now. That I’d had Beverly, and Lincoln, and Mikey, and Nami, and all of them in my corner before. Before I was sad. Before I was depressed. Maybe things would have turned out differently, but without any of that, I never would have met any of them. Life was funny that way. This senior year was flying by faster than I thought that it would. I just wished I had more time.

  36

  Beverly

  It was bittersweet to return to school after the holidays. It was sweeter than the ripening of strawberries in a garden, solely because I’d missed my friends. I hadn’t seen much of them during the winter break, and I wanted to see if their time off was as magical and memorable as mine. I basically spent the whole time with Everest. I was completely in love for the first time and it was more beautiful than birds flying together in harmony, waking up to the first snow of winter, following your dreams and passions, the colors of the sunset, or even my favorite—a down-pouring rain. And that was why returning to school was so bitter. I didn’t want the special time with Everest to end. He was out of town for the weekend for music gigs, but we video-chatted every night that he was gone, sometimes not going to bed until four in the morning, which was probably the reason why I overslept on the first day back. I anxiously got ready for school and called an Uber so I wouldn’t be late.

  “So, I know you didn’t just walk past me without saying anythi
ng.” Tiffany suddenly wrapped her arm around my shoulders on my way to lunch.

  “Ah! I didn’t see you!” I exclaimed in pleasant surprise, before squeezing her to bits. She looked cute today with her oversized brown leather jacket and silver rings stacked on her fingers.

  “I’m so glad you’re feeling better. I haven’t seen my girl in too long,” she said after we released one another from the hug.

  “I know right? Ugh. Don’t even remind me, I’ll have flashbacks.” I shuddered upon remembering the awful illness that Everest and I’d had. It was only bearable because the only person who was allowed to be near me was Everest and vice versa.

  “Where’s Nami?” I asked, trying to clear my thoughts of Everest.

  “She’s already in the library. Her fat ass couldn’t wait,” Tiffany said, lowering her voice so no one but me could hear.

  “Mikey here today?” I asked, once we got into the line.

  “Alive? That’s if Nami didn’t kill him in the library, but surprisingly, he showed up.”

  I laughed, and felt somewhat giddy that I was going to see almost all of my friends. Once we collected our food, Tiffany and I slyly left the cafeteria, but it wasn’t easy. People were particularly chatty today. I got invited by three different people to have lunch with them, something that had never happened before. Even Tiffany got captured a few times by a few chatty people. It made me wonder if I should start packing my lunches or else I’d probably never make it out of the cafeteria.

  When we were finally able to get to the library, my heart filled with helium and tried to float away at the sight of Everest sitting at our usual oak table. When he saw me, he instantly stood from his chair and rushed in my direction.

  “Everest.” I couldn’t say his name without smiling. It was like an automatic trigger at this point. I couldn’t fight it if I wanted to.

  He came so close, with the intent to kiss me swirling around in his more green than blue eyes, before something flicked in them, and he stopped himself from getting too close, an almost embarrassed look etched on his features. And that was when I realized that everyone was staring at us.