Saving Everest Read online

  She pulled back and stared into my eyes for the eleventh time in the past five minutes. I watched her eyes as they scouted their next location, and when they slowly drifted to my lips, I woke up. The girl I was falling for was on my lap, kissing me. And from silence, now I could only hear my heart thumping with anticipation. I felt my face getting warm, and my breath growing faster. I wanted it, wanted her. This feeling felt like the moment when I ran to the touchdown and knew I was going to make it. It was like those four seconds of reaching the goal and emerging victorious. As she moved closer to place her lips on mine, I selfishly didn’t stop her. I’d dreamed of kissing her and I’d dreamed of being with her, and I woke up from all of them. But this time it was different, because I was awake and the dream was still happening. I was inches away from a dream coming true; four seconds away from the goal.

  But this was just my dream, this wasn’t Beverly. She was not herself right now. She was drunk and sad, and I refused to let my selfish mind go above what she needed right now. I used my one arm to direct her head onto my shoulder and put my other arm around her back and stood up. I pulled back the blankets and laid her down, making sure to arrange the pillows around her like I’d seen her do plenty times. Her eyelids were already drifting together, and I watched to make sure she fell asleep. It didn’t take long. Once I was sure, I went to the kitchen to grab some water.

  “What is she doing here?” I jumped slightly and turned to see my father with his usual disinterested attitude. The room was too hot, and I needed water more now than ever. But now, I wished I’d never gone into the kitchen. I sighed, preparing myself for the conversation. I really didn’t have the energy to deal with him.

  “She doesn’t have anywhere to go right now.” My heart rate increased and I watched as he shook his head.

  “Everest—” he began, his voice stern.

  “I know but . . . please. What do I have to do? I’ll do anything. I swear, whatever you want me to, Dad, I’ll do it. Just please let her stay.”

  “You’d start learning the family business?” He crossed his arms.

  I gulped down my dreams while nodding.

  “You’d give up music?”

  I closed my eyes then, before nodding. I couldn’t bear to see his face as I made this promise. “Yes.”

  “You’d do that for that girl?”

  My emotions went from somber to focused from his words.

  “Yes, I would.”

  He stared at me for a long moment before taking a sip from his mug.

  “What a waste that would be.” I watched as he turned off the kitchen light. “I’ll call your mother and let her know she’s here.”

  I stood there for moment, slightly in shock by the way my father had handled the situation. It was out of character for him to act that way. I was positive that I was going to have to find a better alternative for her. Maybe my dad didn’t hate me as much as I thought.

  31

  Beverly

  My surroundings felt dull despite the autumn sun glowing behind a pair of gold curtains. I woke up to the sound of a couple arguing nearby. In no way shape or form did it soothe the raging headache I had. My mouth felt as if I’d had cotton balls for breakfast. Flashes of the night before rose into my memory, but only in broken pieces, like I was some type of artwork with scratches so you couldn’t understand the picture. No, more like I was a record with spiderwebs traced all over it.

  Tainted and dull.

  I remembered walking to the Basement, how the moon was covered by gray clouds. The night had a chill and my toes were cold. The alcohol burned as it went down my now-scratchy throat. I remembered stepping on a soda cap, and thinking I was going to die. I knew I was crying because Aurora’s cat, Shadow, wouldn’t come to me. Mikey’s eyes were angry, but that was it. That was all I remembered beyond leaving the disaster that had exploded my life. Burping, I tasted all the foul contents of the things I’d ingested the night before, with a slight sprinkle of sweet potato pie. Sitting up in bed, I covered my face with my hands and groaned. Feeling my stomach rumble, my body moved before my mind did, and I lunged to the nearest bathroom. I didn’t even know if there was even a bathroom, but I sure jumped up like I knew. Thankfully, there was a bathroom, but I didn’t get a chance to get a good look at it because I basically stuck my head in the toilet.

  With each upchuck, I felt weaker and weaker. Eventually, my body gave me a break and I held on to the toilet, attempting to gather myself together. Closing my eyes, I wondered how I’d ended up wherever here was.

  Then I felt something nudge against the side of my head. “Here.”

  There sat Everest in the bathtub holding a purple towel close to my face. More sick than embarrassed, I accepted it, wondering if he knew the events of last night. He stared at me with tired eyes. The air was somewhat awkward but that might have just been on my part. His eyes were on me as I wiped my mouth.

  “Where am I?” I asked after a long silence.

  Ignoring my question, he laughed a little before asking me his. “What happened?”

  It was strange how his face could be etched with amusement while at the same time looking so sullen. He looked just as tainted and dull as my surroundings, body, and thoughts. A force prickled the back of my eyes, but I held it in. I didn’t want to cry anymore, but the pain continued to creep into my heart. Everest searched my face for recognition, but I couldn’t pay attention to him when I was putting all my energy into pulling myself together.

  “Bev, c’mon.” His eyes were soft as they caressed my weakened spirit.

  Taking a deep breath, I shook my head while staring at the expensive-looking floral wallpaper. “My mother has been hiding my acceptance letters.”

  The words tasted so vile and disgusting that I instantly felt sick again. Like somehow the combination of letters had manifested into some terrible illness. I couldn’t help but throw up once again into the nearby toilet. The room was way too hot for comfort. I felt as if I were sweating bullets while I heaved time after time. My hair was lifted from my neck and I started to cool off almost immediately. When I was finished, Everest released the handful of curls he was holding.

  He left the bathroom shortly after that and came back with a bottle of water.

  “Why didn’t you call me?” he asked shortly after that.

  “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “Are you serious?” The way he said it made me feel like I’d made the wrong call to not contact him. From the look of it, inevitably, his holiday had still been ruined either way. He looked almost offended.

  “Yes,” I responded while getting up off the floor. I stood in front of the sink and splashed a little water on my face. I felt Everest’s presence behind me and turned around, a little taken aback by how close he was.

  “I worked all summer just so that I could afford to pay whatever costs my mom needed and pay for my college applications.” Everest watched me intently as I recounted the night’s events. “I was beginning to think that I wasn’t going to get in anywhere. We ended up getting into this huge fight and I left. I’m pretty sure I’m not invited back.” I sighed. “I didn’t want to ruin your night just because mine was.”

  Everest stared at me for a few seconds before pulling me into a hug. He held on to me like he was afraid I’d float away. My arms were limp at my sides, which in turn put more passion behind his hug. He placed my head in the nook of his neck, and I could hear the steady beat of his heart. It reminded me of the hug we’d had last night, and I would be lying if I didn’t say I wanted to stay in his embrace until it didn’t hurt anymore.

  “You can stay here.” His chest rumbled.

  “What?” I pulled back and looked at him.

  “You’re homeless. And I have a place where you can stay,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  I looked around the bathroom, confused. “Wh
ere even am I?”

  “My house.”

  I sidestepped to put space between us. “No, I’ll just apologize to my mother today—”

  “I think you should give it some time,” he quickly told me. “This only just happened last night. The air needs to cool before you just waltz back over there.”

  I didn’t have a chance to respond to that because shortly following his statement my mouth filled with vomit.

  “Here, sit up, this should make you feel better.” Everest came into view with a tray of food and set it on the nightstand. I sat up and yawned, and Everest sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Hey, Bev?”

  I stared at him.

  “Do you remember anything else?” He ran a hand through his black hair.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, wincing from how the words felt on my dry vocal cords.

  “Like, do you remember last night in its entirety?”

  I bit my lip and shook my head. “Everything after leaving my apartment is a blur. Why do you ask?”

  He looked away and gulped. “Well, uh . . . nothing, it’s just that . . . it’s common for people to not remember things after they drink a lot.”

  “Oh, okay.” I ran a hand over my eyes and groaned. “What time is it?”

  “It’s six o’clock in the evening. I really didn’t want to wake you because you seemed to be really nauseous when you were awake but now you need to eat. Miranda made you your favorite.”

  He had changed from his outfit before into a red sweatshirt and gray sweatpants. I, on the other hand, was still wearing the same clothes I’d had on yesterday. I couldn’t even begin to explain how icky I felt. I could honestly say I was as sick as my brain. My head had the worst dull, aching pain and my throat felt even drier than it had before.

  I took the water from the tray and let it bring me back to life. It felt wonderful going down my throat. I didn’t feel like myself again, but at least I wasn’t going to die from dehydration. On the tray was a plate of chicken parmesan and a carton of cookies and cream ice cream. I wanted to smile from the sight of it but I couldn’t—there was no energy to smile, and that thought alone made me want to cry again.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “You’re still going to eat something.”

  I stared at him and he stared at me. Neither of us was going to let it go. I sighed before grabbing the fork and taking a bite. The food was warm but flavorless. I knew it should taste good due to the smell, but it tasted like nothing.

  “Happy now?” I asked after finishing the one bite.

  “No,” he answered immediately. “But look on the bright side—you’ve been accepted somewhere you’d like to go?”

  I slowly parted my lips. I couldn’t tell him that it wasn’t about that. What hurt the most was that she was willing to throw away my future so she wouldn’t spend hers alone. I had sacrificed so much for my mom, and the fact that she could do that to me was just too much to stomach.

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I eventually was able to get out.

  His eyes widened a little with realization. “Aw, I’m sorry, Bev.”

  I nodded and flipped the television on and combed through the channels with no intention of watching anything. Everest stared at me, and it was obvious that he didn’t know what to do in this situation. Which was understandable, because I was new to this too. Nothing could have prepared me for that bomb. I’d been spending my time taking care of my mother and accepting her ways because I felt like they were justified, but now I couldn’t seem to find my sympathy.

  Who knew what kind of person I would’ve become if things hadn’t gone the way they had? Would she have ever told me? What deadlines had I missed? Would anyone accept me now?

  We spent our time together mostly in silence. A movie was playing but neither of us was really watching. Everest was either on his phone or looking at me like he wanted to say something but had decided against it, or I’d stare at the wall, the ceiling, or anything, really. The most productive thing I’d done all day was shut my eyes to fall asleep for the millionth time.

  “Do you want me to stay with you?”

  He’d been so attentive with me today. I knew he could have been doing much more exciting things than this. I felt horrible to say what I said next after all he’d done for me, but I needed it to be said.

  “I’d rather be alone right now.”

  Something flashed in his eyes, and I turned away so I wouldn’t have to look at him. Tears fell from my eyes when I faced the opposite direction.

  “Oh . . . okay. I’ll be back in the morning?” He stood there waiting for a response, but I didn’t think I could open my mouth without it being extremely obvious in my voice that I was crying. Instead, I reached for the light and draped the room in darkness.

  “Good night, Bev,” he said with a certain tenseness before leaving. I cried so much that night. It rained in that room, but instead of the storm being in the sky, it lived in my eyes.

  I spent the rest of the weekend there, and didn’t even leave for school on Monday. I woke up that afternoon to Everest dropping off my schoolwork. He gave me an update on how the school day had gone and if I’d missed anything.

  He didn’t know it, but I’d decided that I wasn’t going to apologize to my mom. I’d never felt pain like this before and I didn’t want to be in that environment anymore. I’d just stay here until I left for college. I was going to pay his family rent, too, because it didn’t feel right to just freeload.

  For the rest of the day he stayed with me just as he had done the day before. The silence stayed but I was grateful for his company. He told me how the gang wanted to go bowling and asked if I would come too. Most of them hadn’t seen me since Thanksgiving night, and he said they missed me. It warmed my heart to hear that.

  “Good night, Bev,” he said once again, but this time I said it back.

  The next morning, I woke up earlier than I had anticipated. I showered and finally changed my clothes. I wasn’t sure what got into me on this day, but I was tired of letting the misfortune take away who I was. Even though I wasn’t quite ready for school, I no longer wanted to sleep all day and push away my life. I talked with Miranda, and she showed me how to make the nachos that Everest loved so much. As if on cue, when they were finished, I heard Everest’s voice behind me.

  “Hey, you.”

  I timidly waved and smiled just a fraction of a inch. “Hi.”

  “You’re out of bed,” he observed, a dimple appearing.

  “I’m out of bed,” I repeated with a slight chuckle. “Ready to go bowling?”

  His eyes opened a bit and I didn’t miss the flash of green go across the blue. “S-Sure.”

  When we arrived in front of Nesbits’, my heart felt heavy, but it was bearable. It made me think of Manny and how he’d always wanted to come here but was too stubborn to. Manny was the type of kid who tried so hard to convince everyone that they were mature. At the end of the day, he was just an eleven-year-old kid who should enjoy being a kid. I turned to Everest, who was staring at me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked with so much sincerity and vulnerability.

  “I will be.” I smiled and grabbed his hand. “Ready to get your butt kicked?”

  “Yeah, right,” Everest replied, laughing, as we walked through the doors to meet our friends.

  32

  Everest

  Confession: although I’ve had eyes for eighteen years, only now do I really see.

  —EF, December 10, 2018

  The bar rang with drunken shouts of excitement. The lighting was dim, but the energy of the room was bright. The pumped-up patrons were canned together like sardines. Arms and bodies mimicked ocean waves as the music took over them. The air was smoky and the notes morphing together on the amp made my body hum. It would almost be a disservice to try and put the feeling
s I got when singing in front of a group of people into human symbols.

  I was addicted to it.

  Accomplishing something I’d worked so hard for in front of a group of people was surreal. Every time I performed, I had to take a moment to pull myself together. It was almost like a piece of me was given through song, and that moment I took was like restocking myself.

  “Who should I return these to?” The red lace panties swung in Lucky’s grip.

  The crowd laughed and the insanely attractive girls at the front of the stage played innocent. I’d been playing gigs since Beverly put me on spot, and it was the best thing I could have done. I had only her to thank for this. Whenever my thoughts went rancid, she was the one there to distract me from myself.

  “Thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight! We’ll be performing at Point Square on the third. Catch us again if you enjoyed the show!” Lincoln’s voice boomed through the mic, pulling me from my thoughts.

  I waved good-bye and tried to focus. Falling in love with Beverly was like hearing your favorite song for the first time. She was like a tune that I couldn’t stop playing. I couldn’t help but think about her constantly.

  She was eating when I spotted her, happily helping herself to a bowl of pretzels on the table backstage. She was wearing a peach sweatshirt and some blue jeans with, of course, her dirty sneakers. Her attire was so light and innocent compared to the outfits I’d seen in the crowd.

  “So much for watching me,” I said jokingly when I saw her. Her eyes widened and she turned around slowly with a mouth full of pretzels. Her hand held a fist of the intercrossed salted snack.

  “I was . . . but then I got hungry, sorry.”

  She looked so cute with her eyes big and brown, sincerity plunged deep into them.